Friday, March 18, 2011

soon and very soon

first of all, i just want to mention how much i LOVE my days off. i'm working four 10hr days currently, and it's going really well.  i enjoy my time at work, it's good to be productive in that aspect and to do what i love to do, but it's GREAT to come home each day to a bright eyed little boy that does this excitement dance whenever he sees me.  this week my mom was here monday-wednesday so Isaac got to stay home with her those days, today, Friday is my day off with him.  and i'm loving it.  i love going to wake him up in the mornings (though typically that's Nathan's pleasure, but since he's in Honduras, i get the joy of seeing his bright little face peeking over the crib railings in the mornings), i love breakfast time as he sits there and makes all kinds of cute little faces and noises...i'm telling you, one year old is a great age!  i'm soaking it up, stealing all the kisses i can, laughing with him as much as possible, i love it!  i'll be home tomorrow and sunday with him as well obviously, and then monday, Nathan's mom comes for the week and i'm so looking forward to that as well.   
Nathan has been in Honduras since last week, he left Thursday night and he gets home late Saturday night.  (for anyone reading this that wants to come and break in, think twice, my brother is staying with me now, and i have mace). this week has been SO LONG having Nathan gone though.  i had no idea i would miss him this much (that sounds bad doesn't it? like it surprises me that i miss him at all), but something is different now that we have this kid.  i've realized a couple things while he's been gone.  1. i totally respect any and all single moms!  don't know how you do this 24/7 while maintaining your sanity, esp if you have multiple children, 1 is a handful in and of itself.   2. the waiting and the anticipating of Nathan's return is good.  we lack much anticipating in our culture.  we want what we want when we want it.  and it's just good to have to wait, to slow down, to live in the moment.  i don't want to just count down the days until he gets home.  and i've thought about this a lot lately as spring is quickly approaching.  (also praising God so much for the color green since we lack that October-March here in OK, and don't get me wrong, yellowish brown and gray are nice....but not for that long, give me green and yellow and purple!)  there is so much anticipation as things start to bloom and bud, as the tulips display all their brilliant colors and the trees blossom into flowers and soon into bright green leaves.  there is something good in the progression between the seasons, it's not immediate.  we watch it slowly happening, and it's beautiful, and we are filled with hope.
i have been anticipating Easter more this year for some reason. I gave up something for Lent, and it's not even a big deal, but i am daily reminded of it, such a small small "sacrifice" if i can even call it that.  but i daily am reminded of what Jesus endured.  and even though his death was horrific, i know the ending, and so i anticipate that day that we celebrate his resurrection!  can you imagine the anticipation?  as Jesus laid in the tomb? as the disciples held their breaths and wondered what was next?  what joy was to come!  what brilliance.   what HOPE!  and that is what we build our lives on, HOPE!
speaking of hope, i sure wish i knew how to help people find it.  i wish i was better at sharing my faith and my hope with others.  i think i'll pray about that.  pray for boldness, pray that i can help instill hope to others. 
in the meantime, short-term, i wait for Nathan to get home!   

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