entry 1

we've been home with Isaac now for almost 7 weeks.  I go back to work Tuesday March 1st, maternity leave is up.  It has truly been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts as I've stayed home with Isaac these 2 months. Anyone who has ever been a parent, I respect you...now more than ever!  There was a moment (and I'm just being brutally honest here, b/c isn't that what blogging is about) where I actually said to Nathan "why do people chose to have children? and choose to continue to have them..."  I was under some severe adjustment stress at that moment, and I'm sure I'm not the first to wonder that in the throws of being a new parent.  I mean we jump right in to having a one year old, who has lungs like an olympian swimmer and a seriously strong will...it wasn't all snuggling and butterflies at first, we all had to adjust to each other, to this new life. But this journey has been rich, and that is an understatement.  and above all, I praise God for helping the transition to go SO smoothly over all, and for having some good friends to speak truth and wisdom to me during those very difficult days.
I was watching Isaac as he walked around outside this evening and our 2 labs attempted to lick him to death, watched him as he squealed with delight at these huge creatures, watched as he looked back at me and smiled, just checking in...it was the most amazing feeling at that moment. To know this sweet, adorable, charming, hilarious, full-of-energy, child is ours.  He is finally home and it's apparent that he feels at home. I was overwhelmed by the goodness and loving kindness of our God.  This happens quite often these days...not like it didn't before I became a mother, but even more so now that I can on a much smaller scale, relate to our God as a parent.  Oh, how I now understand so much more clearly the love that our good Father has for us, his adopted children! 
And as I used to be such an avid journaler, I just am not anymore.  I have maybe 3 that I have started, but for whatever reason I set them aside and find other things to do....like get on the internet to email or check facebook or the weather or whatever else.  So this is why I decided to do this "blog" thing.  Not because I have much to share with the world, not because my life is that interesting that others would care to read about it, but as a place to jot down some thoughts.  some musings.  some memories of the days!  they are going by so quickly (I know everyone always says that but it's SO TRUE).  And I was reading a friend's blog and she wrote out a letter to her kids on it, I want to do that for Isaac. I want him to know my thoughts as his mother.  Maybe one day he can go back and read this. He will know maybe a little bit about how deeply I love him and how earnestly I pray for him.  Every night I pray that Isaac will grow to be a man who loves God more than he loves anything in this world, that he will follow hard after the heart of God.
My son, you have brought so much joy into our lives. We are the blessed ones to have you as our son.  Your sweet smile, the funny faces you make, your little laugh and squeals, the way you babble on and on to yourself, it delights my heart daily. I will miss your little personality EXTREMELY starting next week. But I have been diligently praying about that as well. I know that God loves you more than I could imagine and I know that He will protect your little heart and mind from feeling too confused as to why I'm not around every day like I have been the past 2 months.  He is in control!  and I trust that!