adoption

Taught Isaac how to give a fist bump today, he hasn't quite learned how to "blow it up" at the end though, hopefully he can learn that soon so he can be even cooler! man he's a funny kid!  he's our alarm clock usually in the mornings, it's typically between 7-7:30 that he's up cooing and talking to his stuffed animals in his crib.  Nathan goes to get him, they have some sweet time together getting ready in the mornings.  Nathan changes Isaac's typically disgusting diaper, applies some skin and hair moisturizer, reads books to Isaac, and reads at least 1 story from a little children's bible some good friends gave us.  This gives me time to get up and get breakfast ready.  My favorite sound is Isaac's little feet as they come through the living room to find me (and his breakfast) in the kitchen.  It's usually a pretty fast little walk, with arms outstretched, usually he's babbling something and pointing to his mouth...I get it.  He's fun at breakfast time, making all kinds of faces as we feed him.  Today he started this laugh that was just hilarious!  One is a fun age!  Too bad he won't remember it....that's why we take lots of pictures and videos! ;)
It was a good morning with the church at MCC.  Isaac likes the singing and will sometimes clap along, this kid has some rhythm. We had connection group after class. Isaac took a good afternoon nap once we got home. After a little snack we head outside where Nathan is working on our garden.  Isaac has discovered dirt, and it's a whole new world for him!  he loves to be outside, and it was such a pleasant day, warm and windy. 
Today I have been thinking alot about Ethiopia.  thinking about people we met there, wondering what they are doing, thinking about those that we saw living on the streets, desolate, un-wanted, hopeless.  Thought about hope today, and what a treasure it is indeed. To have hope. I went for a jog during Isaac's nap and listened to a Rob Bell sermon he did around Advent.  He talked about the discipline of anticipation, that we have to learn to slow and to anticipate something. Too often we have been burned, left empty, unsatisfied when we hope.  That is why we love to give gifts to children, we love to watch their anticipation as they open that present!  It was a good thought...anticipation as a discipline.  I am hasty, I need to slow down, to be still....
I go back to work starting Tuesday, March 1st.  it's been a quick 8-9 weeks...however long it is that I have taken off work.  I'm ready, and I trust that Isaac will handle it well.  We'll all adjust. Just might take a few days.
In other news, Nathan and I have decided to adopt again. This is really big news actually.  Huge.  This means so many things for our family!  We are starting the process over again, this time with Holt International rather than Children's Hope.  We liked our experience with CHI, but it's just a matter of timing, Holt doesn't require that you wait 9-12 months before starting again w/ the process, CHI does.  Not everyone understands this decision.  Why would two young people that love each other choose not to procreate?  You don't choose adoption, it chooses you if you can't have "your own" children, right?  Not at all.  I can't get the numbers out of my head.  The millions of children that have no one to tell them they are loved, no one who is making sure they are getting an education, no one.  Orphans.  And I know that we can't change the numbers but we can make a difference in one little one's life.  And in return, we are the ones that are changed.  It has happened already.  but 143 MILLION ORPHANS!  that is haunting. 
So, we have applied, have already had our home study update, next step is working on our dossier again. 
I realize this means I will have to forgo having a child grow in my uterus, and will not see myself in a little kid's face, and I'm completely okay with this.  my mom always said "God will give you the desires of your heart, or He will change your desires." God is blessing us with the gift of children, children He created and He loves more than we could ever imagine, and this is the way He has put on our hearts to do it. 

So Lord we pray for wisdom, we pray for open doors, we pray for your children tonight! 

3 month post placement report

Today, Ms. Earlene Logan with Oklahoma Home Study came to our house for our 3 month post placement report.  Isaac was asleep most of the time which was okay as it gave the three of us (Nathan, Earlene, and myself) time to talk and her to ask questions for this report.  We have to do a report at 3, 6, and 12 months...$300 each time, plus $50 in gas for Earlene as she drives from "the city" (oklahoma city that is).  It was a good visit.  She started out by asking "so, has your life changed very much?", an interesting way to begin.  Just completely changed!  So she asked us about his sleeping and eating habits, what he likes to do, how we each adjusted, things like that.  It was a nice visit, Earlene is a nice lady.  It was strange however in one way b/c I was reminded that he is adopted.  I know that sounds strange b/c obviously he is adopted, our lives have been full of adoption the past 2 years now. But Isaac is very much my son, it only makes sense that he is in our family, I don't see him as adopted most days...of course I think about it daily, but we're just a "normal" family in so many ways. It was good today to review all that we've been through so far.  All the paperwork, the waiting, the praying, court, embassy, waiting and praying more!  After she left we all ate some lunch and then went to Harmony House to see Mariah and Beth Stacey as neither of them have met him yet.  We ordered coffee, Isaac squirmed in his high chair (he does not like to be restrained, he has too much exploring to do, too many people he needs to go meet, this boy needs to be on the move at all times...except when reading a book, he will sit still for that, and he LOVES being read to I might add).  I had warned Isaac before I got him out of the car that Harmony House is usually very full of estrogen, just a head's up.  But he's charming and friendly, so smiling, cooing women bring out the best in him! It was great to catch up w/ our friend Alen Stacey who was there to see his wife Beth, just a great and supportive couple! There was one table of women who commented on how cute he was, and asked if he is our son. Again, a totally appropriate question to ask, but it started me at first b/c of course he's my son....but of course, it's a fitting question since we are a bit different in skin color.  I wonder if I'll ever get used to it.  It's good to talk about his adoption to others, I guess it's kind of like talking about the birth of your child to a stranger, maybe, kind of. 
But it's been a great day, a good restful Saturday! Grateful we are home, good to reflect today on our journey up until this point.  Good to have this boy with us in our family!

entry 1

we've been home with Isaac now for almost 7 weeks.  I go back to work Tuesday March 1st, maternity leave is up.  It has truly been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts as I've stayed home with Isaac these 2 months. Anyone who has ever been a parent, I respect you...now more than ever!  There was a moment (and I'm just being brutally honest here, b/c isn't that what blogging is about) where I actually said to Nathan "why do people chose to have children? and choose to continue to have them..."  I was under some severe adjustment stress at that moment, and I'm sure I'm not the first to wonder that in the throws of being a new parent.  I mean we jump right in to having a one year old, who has lungs like an olympian swimmer and a seriously strong will...it wasn't all snuggling and butterflies at first, we all had to adjust to each other, to this new life. But this journey has been rich, and that is an understatement.  and above all, I praise God for helping the transition to go SO smoothly over all, and for having some good friends to speak truth and wisdom to me during those very difficult days.
I was watching Isaac as he walked around outside this evening and our 2 labs attempted to lick him to death, watched him as he squealed with delight at these huge creatures, watched as he looked back at me and smiled, just checking in...it was the most amazing feeling at that moment. To know this sweet, adorable, charming, hilarious, full-of-energy, child is ours.  He is finally home and it's apparent that he feels at home. I was overwhelmed by the goodness and loving kindness of our God.  This happens quite often these days...not like it didn't before I became a mother, but even more so now that I can on a much smaller scale, relate to our God as a parent.  Oh, how I now understand so much more clearly the love that our good Father has for us, his adopted children! 
And as I used to be such an avid journaler, I just am not anymore.  I have maybe 3 that I have started, but for whatever reason I set them aside and find other things to do....like get on the internet to email or check facebook or the weather or whatever else.  So this is why I decided to do this "blog" thing.  Not because I have much to share with the world, not because my life is that interesting that others would care to read about it, but as a place to jot down some thoughts.  some musings.  some memories of the days!  they are going by so quickly (I know everyone always says that but it's SO TRUE).  And I was reading a friend's blog and she wrote out a letter to her kids on it, I want to do that for Isaac. I want him to know my thoughts as his mother.  Maybe one day he can go back and read this. He will know maybe a little bit about how deeply I love him and how earnestly I pray for him.  Every night I pray that Isaac will grow to be a man who loves God more than he loves anything in this world, that he will follow hard after the heart of God.
My son, you have brought so much joy into our lives. We are the blessed ones to have you as our son.  Your sweet smile, the funny faces you make, your little laugh and squeals, the way you babble on and on to yourself, it delights my heart daily. I will miss your little personality EXTREMELY starting next week. But I have been diligently praying about that as well. I know that God loves you more than I could imagine and I know that He will protect your little heart and mind from feeling too confused as to why I'm not around every day like I have been the past 2 months.  He is in control!  and I trust that!